Knowing how to speak up is a superpower, if you can do it without turning every conversation into a cage match.
Whether in relationships or at work, there’s a fine line between assertiveness and aggression. One builds bridges. The other burns them. But many of us were never taught how to walk that line. We were either encouraged to stay silent, or we were told that speaking firmly meant being “too much.”
So let’s set the record straight.
What’s the Difference?
Assertiveness is clear, confident communication that respects both your needs and the other person’s. Aggression disregards the other person and pushes your agenda with force or intimidation.
Examples:
- Assertive: “I’m not comfortable with that, and I’d like to discuss another option.”
- Aggressive: “That’s a terrible idea. You clearly don’t know what you’re doing.”
Why It Matters
In the workplace, aggression can damage collaboration and get you labeled as difficult. In relationships, it leads to defensiveness, disconnection, or fear. But avoiding conflict altogether creates its own problems, like resentment, burnout, and never getting your needs met.
The solution? Assertive expression.
Tips to Be Assertive Without Blowing Up:
- Use “I” Statements
Say what you feel or need, rather than accusing.
“I feel overwhelmed when the deadline changes without notice.” - Stick to the Facts
Don’t exaggerate.
“You’ve been late three times this week” is stronger than “You’re always late.” - Mind Your Tone and Volume
Calm, steady delivery carries more weight than raised voices. - Hold Boundaries, Not Grudges
You can say “no” without guilt, and without burning bridges.
Workplace Scenario:
Your colleague dumps a task on you at the last minute.
- Aggressive: “Are you serious? That’s your job. Handle it yourself.”
- Assertive: “I’m at capacity right now. Let’s talk about rescheduling or reassigning.”
Relationship Scenario:
Your partner brushes off your concerns.
- Aggressive: “You never listen to me. You’re so selfish.”
- Assertive: “I don’t feel heard when I bring up concerns. Can we talk about it?”
Assertiveness is clarity with care. It’s not about being passive or aggressive, it’s about being effective.
And if you’re tired of tiptoeing around emotional landmines?
Practice in a game where the chaos is intentional.
DARVO™ is a darkly funny card game based on real-life manipulation patterns like Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim & Offender. Learn what it looks like. Laugh at the absurdity. And when the time comes, speak up, with confidence and control.
Join the waitlist at DARVO.xyz and practice calling out chaos, the fun way.
- AssertiveCommunication #DARVO #GaslightingAwareness #SpeakUpSkills #EmotionalIntelligence